Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
