Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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