sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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