I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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