hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
