whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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