I love black thongs
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
