she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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