you traded sex for a burrito?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
