gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize