the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
