Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
