What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just tell him i said nine months
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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