I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
