I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
