Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
