Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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