If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
