She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
