Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
