in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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