im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
