Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
