We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His nipple licking is glorious
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