Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize