Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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