Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
