My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
