I will die if light touches me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
