Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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