well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
