I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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