Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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