We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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