I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
