so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
