i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
