Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize