Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
