wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
