Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
