I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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