I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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