hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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