Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
