She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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