Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
