i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
