If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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