were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
