My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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