It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
