I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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