and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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