I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
