Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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