Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
