I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
