Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
