he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
