you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize