He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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