Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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