So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize