I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
