just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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