Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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