the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
