Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We need to get me chipped asap
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
