Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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