Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I party with great urgency now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
