Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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