Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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