My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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