He is such a slut. More and more my type.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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