Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We need to get me chipped asap
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
