Only a mothe r could love this liver
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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