i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
