I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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