she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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