All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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