I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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