Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
