she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
