I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
