I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
