i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
