If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
