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i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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