I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
