My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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