If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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