I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
