so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
