I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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