I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just cut my nipple shaving
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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