he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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