Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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