you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
